The biggest behavior causing trouble for couples is blame. In any unresolved issue it is highly likely that blame is playing a major part. Yelling, lecturing, repeating your position endlessly, proving your points, seething silently, placating or rolling over, withdrawing, and fantasizing about your departure, all contribute. But the number one habit eroding your relationship is likely blame. Can you even stop blame for an hour? Try it and see where your mind goes. Nothing will ever change when blame is dominant. Wishing and hoping it will go away will not bring results.
Constantly focusing your attention on your spouse won’t work. What he or she is or isn’t doing which supposedly causes your lack of fulfillment and happiness is sinks you both. At best you can settle until you get sick and die, or end it and leave for good.
A better option might be to get some solid help! Couples who stop procrastinating, threatening, or pretending the issues will go away, take action. To stop blame takes commitment, awareness, and a guide to support you. You need new tools and skills, plus the pathway.
Replace blame, hurt, and anger with respectful, blame-free communication. Learn to listen free of judgment and blame. Get on the same page and learn how to create a new, conscious loving foundation.
You will not be slogging through the old issues. All that does is stir up the old trouble again. You have already done enough of that! The way I work is to start from the moment we begin. Troubled couples focus forward. The old stuff gets addressed by learning new skills, and then glancing backward. You begin to see what you were actually up to. Each partner learns how to take ownership and responsibility for his or her part in the issues. Recognizing your triggers, manipulations, blame, and sabotage, and what to do to shift these behaviors is key!
Stop procrastinating! Rebuild and rekindle, starting today. And you don’t have to live in Seattle to work with me. I see couples virtually.
Contact me today at firstname.lastname@example.org